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Product placement is booty
GEEZ! as if commercials aren't enough, advertisements are now IN the shows i watch. IN. I cant begin to tell you how
annoyed i get when i see a HUGE pepei sign in the middle of an episode of the apprentice. its just terrible. here are some
examples:
Survivor - every season, someone wins a "fancy new GMC truck with power steering and a moon roof!" The person
drives the car and they show a bunch of clips of the person going "wow, its just so roomy!" or, "I cant get
over how smooth and delicious the handling is! i just want to eat it!"
Terminator 3 - the terminator somehow ends up crashing a huge truck. Along the side of it is a GARGANTUAN sign for vioxx.
and its not just a quick flash, they held the camera there for a good 5 seconds. wow, guys. REAL discreet.
The Apprentice - this show is packed to the teeth with hidden ads. In one episonde, the teams constructed toys for mattel.
Another episode, they made jeans for levi's. Constantly in this episode, they talked about how "sexy" and "beautiful"
these jeans are. They're jeans, fools. The worst one, was when the teams constructed new Pepsi bottles for Pepsi Edge (which
is a complete and utter rip-freaking-off of coke's low carb drink). This was appaling. During the entire show, i was bombarded
with pepsi signs and logos. and at the end, they had the kicked off dude in a car, and hes all like "i'll never get
a job" AND HES HOLDING A PEPSI! HOLY SMOKEs. I guess the donald just isnt getting the ratings he hoped for, so he has
to contaminate the serise with products. What a shame. Sounds just like donal trump - BUsta. straight up busta.
Man subliminal advertising is so fruity. I've heard that because of all the dvd-r things that record tv, so you can fast
forward through commercials is becoming the new fad, advertisements will occur more often in standard regular programming.
I sure do hope this doesnt happen, but if it does, i'ma be like "MAN! WHAT THE F*** THEY DOIN TO TV?!!?! IM BOUT TA
BREAK SOMTHIN". alright, i got nothin else to write. Spread the word! Subliminal advertising is evil!
peace out y'all.
FLIPFLOP THIS, DUMBASS
Man, im so damn sick of this "flip flop" crap at john kerry. So the man changes his mind, WHO GIVES A DAMN?
I sure as hell dont. If i did, i wouldnt be writing this article. Flip-flopping? couldnt you smart ass politicians come
up with something better than that? I mean, come on! anything! And those suckers cant call out kerry on anything else.
ANYTHING! ELSE! i watched the deabate last tuesday, and bush had NO dissing skills. He could only call out kerry on one
thing. "Flip-Flopping" Nothing else. Come on, i dare you republican politicans to diss kerry on something else.
Besides "flip-flopping" wait, whats that? thats right, y'all suckas got NOTHIN. i'm on such a roll right now,
i'll say it again. YALL SUCKAS GOT NOTHIN. damn staright. Oh yeah, and Kerry can call out bush on lots of stuff. such
as: not going after osama, no weapons of mass destuctions, going to war for wrong reasons, shipping jobs overseas, the list
goes on and on. ON AND ON. GEEZ. And i dont generally bash one political party. no, i tend to respect peoples opinions,
and i usually do. BUT FLIP-FLOP IS NOT A VERB. NEVER HAS BEEN, NEVER WILL. And on kerry's mind changing, HE CHANGED HIS
MIND. i mean, come on! people change their minds! at least normal people do. i do. And on a slightly related topic, I dont
like dick cheney. Download the song "heart attack man" by the beastie boys. It describes him wonderfully. Well,
thats it for me. peace out.
MY NEW CEREAL
I'm sure you seen cereal these days. Its either some healthy
crap, pumped up with stereroids and vitamins, or some kids cereal with a buch of little corn pieces and marshmallows.
Im the type of person that goes for the marshmallow cereal. However, i do have a problem with cereal. Its the
cereal. When i say that, im talking about the non marshmallow pieces. Think about it, if there was a cereal that
was all marshmallows, kids would go bonanza for it. No nasty rice or corn crap to get around, all marshmallows.
Thats why ive decided to make my own brand of cereal. It'll be called, Super Awesome Delicious Crazy Rubenesque Aerdynamic
Pieces. or S.A.D.C.R.A.P. for short. Now this wouldnt be some ordinary cereal, oh no. It'll be ALL marshmallows.
Thats right, ALL marshmallows. I'll say it again, in case you didnt hear me the first two times, ALL MARSHMALLOWS!
They will come in different assorted shapes, such as, Pianos, Stars, Castles, Guitars, and Campbells™ Tomato Soup. Kids will go nuts for this crap.
They'll force their parents to buy them some. And, the commercials will be packed to the brim with subliminal messages.
You wont realize it when watching the commercial, but you DO want S.A.D.C.R.A.P., and you will stop at nothing to get it.
At least, thats what the messages will tell you to do. And even better, the marshmallow bits will come with mind controlling
drugs that will send you into a frezy of shopping. That would be so cool. Right now, the closest thing you can get to Super Awesome Delicious Crazy Rubenesque Aerodynamic Pieces
is Oreo O's. I mean, its like eating tiny oreos for breakfast. mmmmm.
SLOPPY KIDS ARENT FUNNY
Alright, im sure you all
have seen the commercials. the ones where some child is pouring some substance, wether it be kix, corn flakes, milk,
juice, whatever. It's spilling ALL over the place. And it pisses me off. I mean, come on, how on earth am i supposed
to believe that some stupid kid spilling milk all over the steps of his front porch is cute. an its always a HUGE mess.
Like in a recent one, where a kid, who appears to be about 4 years old is making cereal. hes wearing some overalls,
and a backwards hat to make him look all cute. NO. So anyway, the child is pouring some corn flakes in to a bowl. He
can barely manage to do this. The corn flakes go flying, but the dumb bastard doesnt care. He just KEEPS ON POURING.
And then comes the milk. dont get me started with the milk. He pours the stuff as if it were gasoline. It
spills ALL over the table, the floor, his clothes, etc. After that travesty, the kid eats and looks at the camera and
looks all cute. BULLSHIT. i hate these commercials. Another example, is an oreo commercial a few years ago,
where a child (same age) is trying to pour some milk in a glass, and carry the glass (FULL of milk) and a bag of oreos up
a few steps. Needless to say, the kid makes A HUGE FUCKING MESS. He tries to pur the milk, it spills everywhere,
i repeat EVERYWHERE. then he tries to walk up the steps with the milk and cookies. BAD IDEA. he drops the
milk again. dumbass kid. In conclusion, this awful television horror HAS GOT TO STOP. some oreos would be
good right now...
TRUCK COMMERCIAL MUSIC IS
MISLEADING
Truck commercials. you know, the
ones with the truck driving through huge puddles of mud and rivers, while covered in mud, or pulling some big ass thing, like
a barbecue pit, or 200 refigerators. but im not here to talk about the crappiness of the commercials, im here to talk
about the music. Its usually some distorted bass, or guitar, playing some badass riff, that i could totally rock out
to. At this point in the commercial im thing "oh man, this song is kinda tight, i wonder what it will build up to?"
but no, OH NO! When the song reaches its climax, and the cymbals are about to start crashing, and the guitar is about to rock
out (or so i think), it stops and cuts to some picture of the brand of truck, how much it costs, and "how low the a.p.r. financing
is!" what the hell? im expecting to hear the end of a kickass commercial song, (that being said, i hate commercial music.
all of it. i just mean this in the sense of good commercial sense), and it just cuts out to silence. Thats pisses
me off. Pisses me off to the max. i have to go eat pringles.
WHY NASCAR SHOULDNT BE A SPORT
Ok, nascar. Its the boring sport where cars drive in a circle.
i mean, come on! what skill is needed for that? if i could drive, and im pretty confident i can, i could easily finish a nascar
race. in 1st place. Seriously, how hard can it be? All it is is driving around a circlar track, with a bunch of
other cars. The only tough part is avoiding the other folks, which is not a problem. And if you do crash, you've
got a shitload of padding and a helmet, and these crazy foreproof clothes. And well, you do have to switch gears
at the rigfht time and stuff, but come on, how hard can that be? pssh. Now street racing, thats tough. Think about
it, your flying through the streets on some tricked out car, trying to avoid the pedestrians, and cops, and buildings.
Anf its illegal. All this talk of cars makes me wanna play some need for speed underground. Thats all i have to
say about that.
WHY BASS SOLOS ARE AWESOME
Ok, first of all, the bass dont get no respect. I mean come
on, its one of the coolest, and essential instruments of today. Without bass, you got nothin. IF you listen to
a song with bass, and then without bass, you will be awed. The bass adds alot to songs. And I think that basses
should have solos. NOw, the guitar and drums or perhaps keyboard get solos often (or they used to, i'll talk about that
later), but the bass doesnt. i mean come on! It is just so awesome when a song totally breaks downs, and the bass
goes out and busts some crazy chops. and if its slap bass, oh man, its like awesomeness times 1,000,000,000. IF
you wanna hear some crazy bass stuff listen to Pulling Teeth by Metallica, Tommy The Cat by Primus, and Take The Power Back
by Rage Against The Machine. And solos are rare nowadays. If you losten to 93X, you most likley wont hear a badass
solo, unless is and old song. NEW songs never have solos. Just look at "trapt" or "Chevelle" i mean, COME ON!
If you wanna hear some dope guitar solos, listen to Take the Power Back, Bulls on Parade, and Know your Enemy, by Rage Against
The Machine, One by Metallica, Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix, and Eruption by Van Halen. Thats what i have say about
solos.
Why I Hate Forwards
Forwards. Also known as chain-letters. Theyre those messages
your friends send you on e-mail. They generally say something mildly entertaining, about "who your new crush will be!"
or crap like "One girls tear-jerking story!". And at the end you get some shit about how you have to send the letter
to 15 other people in the next five minutes, or you'll get murdered by your uncle, and spill your frappuchino on your new
shoes. Who the hell would believe this crap? I get forwards all the freaking time, usually from my friends. I
mean, damn, you'd think they'd have more sense then to believe that crap, but oh no, they send it to EVERYbody they know.
And yes, i sent a forward or two once. I was trying to see if my wish really would come true if i sent it to 15 people
in 10 minutes. Well 2 days later, nothing happened. Needless to say i was not suprised. And seriously, i
never get any REAL mail, oh no, its all forward bullshit. I'll be like "hey! (insert name here) sent me an e-mail! wahoo!"
but i open it and its a goddamn forward. But this almost never happens, because you can always tell when its a forward.
They always say (for example) "Re: Re: Find your true love!" once i see this, my face gets red with anger, and i beat
the keyboard with my clenched fists. well, no, i dont. but still, forwards suck, and to my friends STOP SENDING
THEM TO ME! in fact, stop sending them at all. You could be the one to start a revolution by not sending a forward.
That makes me wanna listen to The Message by Grandmaster Flash. in fact, I think i will. Right now.
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